Do you have any friends who call too often or visit unexpectedly (and inconveniently) when you are busy? Do some of your customers demand much more of your time than others?
Personal and business relationships revolve around expectations and fulfillment. Some friends and customers have higher expectations of us than others. It can be awkward to tell someone that they are expecting too much of your time or attention. But if you don’t have the energy or time or desire to fulfill certain expectations, then eventually there must be a discussion (or a break up). This is true in both personal and business relationships.
Relationships sour when expectations aren’t fulfilled.
When demands aren’t being met or when there is an imbalance between expectation and fulfillment, someone in that relationship will be unsatisfied. If you are fulfilling expectations that you don’t have the energy or time or desire to fulfill, then you will be unsatisfied. If you fail to fulfill the expectations of others because you don’t have the time or energy or desire, then they will be dissatisfied. Either way, somebody loses.
Understanding this, it is important to discuss your expectations and your ability to fulfill the expectations of others in realistic and honest terms from the beginning. If you don’t have the time to meet for coffee every day, or if you can’t provide 24 hour customer support; be honest about it from the beginning.
Whether it is because we want people to like us or to buy something from us, we often make the mistake of over-promising our ability to fulfill expectations during the early stages of a relationship. Similarly, sometimes we downplay our expectations because we don’t want to be perceived as needy or desperate. Either way, beginning a relationship with unrealistic notions of expectations and fulfillment will cause problems later.
This is evident in many romantic relationships. Most people are on their best behavior when they begin dating. We display our best table manners, embellish our character, pretend to me more socially conscious than we are or act more selflessly than usual. We want our new relationship to be impressed – and they probably will be.
But over time, the ability to (or desire to) meet expectations may change. Likewise, the expectations themselves might shift. That’s ok. When this occurs, it is important to communicate the change in expectation or ability to fulfill and to modify the relationship as necessary.
By not discussing expectations and fulfillment honestly at the beginning of relationships, we run the risk of creating imbalance, dissatisfaction and even resentment later on.
Have you had to talk to one of your friends or customers about their expectations or your ability to fulfill them? Should you?
